outsiders | audio;

[ Exactly what he would've--christ. She wasn't imagining it before, and it's all standing out sharper now that her she's not dizzy and falling over. It's not just that she looks like him, right down to the eye and the scars. It's not even that she sounds like him, her inflections, the way she words things... hell, it's everything, the way she moves, that little rock on her heels, the way her damn mouth moves when she talks.

She's York. Even if nothing Wash said had even begun to convince her... the woman standing in the doorway is York. Some version of York. Probably different from the York she knew in some way... some way besides being a woman. But she's York.

Carolina sighs.

She does want answers, she just can't get the ones she wants from this York. Still. ]

York, I--

[ Oh, good. Now she's right back with no idea what to say. Better come up with something. ]

You don't have to go.

[ Stalling. Damn it, Carolina. Should've just let her go. ]

Listen, I--I'll pay you back for this.

[ She needs to do that, at least. Hates to owe anybody anything. ]

[ York's honestly surprised to hear her name come out of Carolina's mouth. Carolina seems like she's pretty well in denial, or at least she had. But now...

Well, this conversation isn't getting any more comfortable, that's for sure.

York shrugs one shoulder, almost uneasily, and shakes her head, huffing out a laugh through her nose. ]

Hey, I don't want your money. Consider it a welcome gift, 'cause you're not gonna catch too many breaks from here on out. "We're not in Kansas anymore" is a gross understatement.

[ Carolina snorts. Almost a laugh. A little less sharp than before. ]

Yeah, I picked up on that.

[ She pauses. Suppose she should be asking some questions. Still so overwhelmed from everything Wash told her, she almost managed to forget what was going on right in front of her. Like alien doctors. Alien doctors who, evidently, didn't try to kill her, seeing as she's still breathing.

She nods to York. Still going to pay her back, no matter what she says. Soon as she figures out what passes for currency around here. And where to get some. ]

How long've you been here?

[ So she's making with the questions anyway. Well, York's not all that surprised. But hey, she knows how to answer questions. That's what she figured she'd be doing, anyway. York rubs a thumb over her chin, shrugging. ]

Four months. And before that, it was some other hellhole I was stuck on. This one's better, I think.

[ Well, that's... good? Could be. Or not. ]

You saying there's other...

[ Shit, she doesn't even know what's she's trying to ask. She tries again. ]

You're saying you've... jumped universes or whatever it is that happens... more than once?

Not to most folks, I don't think. I'm one of the lucky ones.

[ She can't help the self-deprecating smile that comes out a little sick, pulling at the skin around her bad eye. She runs a hand over the back of her neck, fingers tracing absently over the empty chipslot. It's been empty for over a year now. ]

I haven't been home in a long time now. Spent the better part of a year living under the reign of a crazy AI, and then me'n Wash wound up here. You get used to it after a while.

[ Not easily, that's for sure. At least not for York. Getting used to it had been a pretty unpleasant ride. ]

You and Wash.

[ Carolina's eyes drift to somewhere on the far wall as that sinks in. So they haven't been alone, either of them, since they got here. York and Wash were always pretty friendly. Could've been together when... whatever happened, happened. So they've had each other.

Must be nice.

There's so much more she could ask, but she can't lose her focus. Needs to gather information she can actually use. ]

How did it happen? Was it a teleporter? Or something else?

[ Man, people always look at her like that when she mentions her and Wash. Sure, they're together now -- just barely -- but they hadn't had each other in the way that Carolina might be thinking. Not for a long time. And York had had to learn to let go of a lot in order to get used to all of this. ]

Far as I can tell, yeah. We're not really sure how it is people disappear around here, though. Not so much with the teleporters.

[ Carolina nods, taking that in. ]

Was some kind of shuttle I came in on. No idea how I got there... it's all pretty blurry.

You said you've been here a while. Anybody around here been studying this phenomenon? There has to be someone with some idea how this happens.

Yeah, we all came in on the shuttles. And no, nobody knows. Yeah, sure, there're people lookin' into it, I'm sure, but for the most part, people don't really want us here. The only thing they might care about is figuring out how to stop it. But this universe has a few bigger fish to fry than a few dozen extradimensional visitors right about now.

[ The thought of the Reapers still makes her face turn grim. She says she likes this place better, but...well, she's not really sure how much longer this place is even gonna be around. ]

We never figured out back on Sacrosanct, either, far as I know. I was there eight months -- Wash, even longer. To my knowledge, nobody ever figured out how or why that rift was pulling people in and out.

A few dozen? So this has been happening regularly?

[ And there's no one on this station who's decided to study it? Whatever else is going on in this universe, it must be pretty damn serious to let something like an interdimensional portal fly by the wayside. Carolina makes a mental note to find out where the scientists hang out at her first opportunity. ]

What, you thought me, you, and Wash were the only ones? Nah, there's a bunch of others like us. Not as many as there used to be, but they're around.

[ York shrugs, rubbing her arm. She can't help but wonder about the fact that Carolina is pointedly not asking York any questions about herself. Just this place. Maybe she doesn't want to know. But man, York does. She can't say she doesn't have a gnawing curiosity. ]

Far as I know, we were among the first wave, a few months back. And since then, it hasn't really stopped. And yeah, we wanna figure out what's goin' on, but mostly, we've been trying to get by.

[ Carolina raises an eyebrow. ]

Not as many as there used to be? Meaning they left this station, or...?

[York seems restless, and Carolina's not quite sure why. Said she came to answer questions, after all.

It's making her really uneasy how resigned both York and Wash seem to be about being stuck here. It's like they want her to just give up, not even look for a way back.

She should know why it's so important for Carolina to get back, she should know, if it was the same in her timeline, Wash said it was--except are they even from the same timeline? She's been assuming they were, but maybe not.

Either way, her York never understood and evidently this one's not much different. ]

That's a way to put it. More like disappeared. Dunno how it works here, but I know it happens. I definitely used to have more friends around here, that's for sure.

[ Like Arthur, and Garrus. Man, she's really hurting for friends these days.

York doesn't really expect her to understand, not at this juncture. She remembers what it was like, when she'd first arrived on Sacrosanct, desperate to find some way to get back home, or at least hold out hope. And maybe Carolina could. But York, she couldn't keep on waiting for something that might never come. You spend that long in a place like this, you find a way to survive. This was just York's.

She looks at Carolina, still looking uneasy, off balance. She shifts her weight again, wondering how long this is going to go on -- Carolina hammering her for information, except she stays away from the important questions. The ones about them. Because York's long since learned that different timelines don't really mean a whole lot when you get right down to it, and this is someone's Carolina. And that counts for something. ]

Look, boss...I don't know all the details of what happened to you. I only know so much about what happens down the line, in other people's futures. All I know is for some reason, my timeline's pretty different from most. So...whatever it is that happened in yours that makes you look at me like that, I don't know anything about it. I, uh...let's just say I got off the ride a lot sooner than Wash did.

[ Off the ride. Carolina allows herself a short laugh. Freelancer has been a hell of a rollercoaster. She knew it'd be tough, but... it's been tough in ways she never anticipated. Ways she wasn't prepared for.

And there were moments she wished it would all just stop, just for a little while. Just enough to ease the exhaustion, the constant push forward. The way hour ticked into hour into mission into days and weeks and months and nothing ever stopped and her life was always like that, always had been, but sometimes... sometimes she just wished she could hit pause long enough to catch her breath. Not that she could ever let that show.

She takes a deep breath, and lets it out slowly. Takes a minute for the rest of what York said to register. She doesn't know, is what she's saying. Didn't get far enough in her timeline to have done what her York did.

Doesn't mean she wouldn't have.

But Carolina's curious, now. ]

So, when did you get off it?

[ Well, look who's interested in York now. She's not entirely sure how she should take that. She shrugs, scuffing one heel against the floor almost idly. From what she understands, her timeline is different from most of the others in a lot of ways. She doesn't know how much of that Carolina will be willing to accept. ]

Just as things were gettin' bad. The whole AI program was shut down. They, uh...they took everybody's AI.

[ It's hard to talk about, even now. Even though it's been over a year, York still misses Delta something fierce. It's hard not to. She'd never really gotten closure over that, not like she had with David. She clears her throat, looking up. ]

I mean, I was plannin' on bailing at that point anyway. Just...didn't plan on ending up here.

[ Ah. So she would have.

Before the talk with Wash that would've put her right back on the defensive... and it still does, a little. But now... well, she's still not sure how much of it is true, for her anyway. It's hard to really doubt Wash, he's too sincere and too Wash, but...

God, maybe she could figure out how to feel about things if the goalposts would stop moving for five seconds. ]

They were going to take our AIs. I still...

[ She touches the back of her neck instinctively. Still stings. ]

I still had mine.

[ She doesn't even know how to begin to explain, so she doesn't try.

Not sure how to ask what she needs to ask next. Part of her doesn't want to know, part of her says this isn't her York so even if she gets an answer, does it mean anything? Does it matter?

She can't not ask, though. She has to. ]

You were planning to leave... why?

I had to get out. Everything was fallin' apart, and I didn't wanna stick around to see the end of it.

[ She shrugs, like she's trying to push away the vague discomfort of the conversation. She hasn't had to explain this to someone from her world for a long time, let alone to someone who seems so inclined to be suspicious of her. ]

The difference is they did take the AIs. Every single one of 'em. That was it. But I don't know what happened after that, and I wasn't planning on finding out. There was nothin' left for me in Freelancer. They were gonna shut the whole thing down, and the Director had already done plenty of damage. They'd already taken D away.

[ She's not looking at Carolina anymore, staring at the wall, the ceiling, the clock, anything but her. It feels a little like reopening an old wound just to talk about it, but she can handle it. She's already grieved over David. ]

Besides, there was somebody who needed me. Somebody I had to help.

[ Carolina nods. She has to admit, it was starting to feel like things were falling apart. CT, the failed missions, the team splintering, Wash's implantation...

She just never realized anybody else felt that way.

Maybe her York felt the same. It's hard to imagine. He was always so glib and confident, about everything, he didn't understand... or maybe she never really knew how to talk to him about it. Because he would've brushed it off, would've started telling her how it was all going to be fine, she was fine, everything was fine. Wouldn't he?

If he thought everything was falling apart too then why didn't he ever say that? Why did he wait until--

Her jaw tenses at that last part.

Until that. ]

Yeah. I know. Tex.

[ York looks at her with genuine bafflement, looking thrown by Carolina's assumption, which seems out of left field. Tex? York hadn't had much of a relationship with Tex, one way or the other -- she'd had other concerns, and Tex had always done something funny to Epsilon. Now she knows why. ]

Wh -- Tex? Why -- no, no. Trust me, Tex did not need my help. I told you, things are different in my timeline.

[ She clears her throat, shaking her head. It's clear that this Carolina is working on her own set of assumptions, none of which she seems all that inclined to share with York wholesale. She still doesn't quite look at Carolina, rubbing her hand over one arm. ]

Doesn't matter who it was. I couldn't get to 'em, anyway. Never had the chance.

[ Well, that's... not what Carolina was expecting.

(She never figured Tex would need York's help. Which made it sting all the more that he gave it to her. Even if what Wash told her is true in her timeline. )

She has no idea what York's talking about. Doesn't seem to match up with anything she knows. But from the look on York's face, it cuts pretty deep, whatever it is. Carolina almost can't look her in the eye. It's weird. A kind of vulnerability her York rarely showed her. They just... weren't like that. Funny, it never bothered her until right now.

Whatever it is, doesn't seem like York wants to talk about it so she doesn't ask. It's not her, that much she's pretty sure of. This York didn't greet her that way, hasn't acted the way you would if... god, how would you even act. So there was somebody else.

Weird. She's not even sure how to feel about that.

Carolina nods slowly.

She could tell her about what happened with her York, but she's not feeling much like talking about it, either. ]

Very different, it sounds like. What happened, at the end? After they took your AIs?

[ She doesn't need to know that, admittedly. But it's easier than asking about other things. ]

[ Part of York is relieved that Carolina doesn't ask, doesn't press the issue. She doesn't feel the need to relive all of that over again. But it's not like it's a secret. It's not like she minds anyone else knowing, even if she knows that the thought of her and Wash together might strain Carolina's admittedly reluctant acceptance of the situation.

But it's not a secret. It was never meant to be.

York shakes her head, shrugging again. She wishes she knew about the future of her timeline. She knows what happened in Wash's, but everything where he's from is so different to begin with that York can't possibly use it as any kind of metric to predict might happen in hers. ]

Don't know. Like I said, I never got the chance. I got yanked out of my universe less than twelve hours after they took D.

[ She rubs her hand over the back of her neck, almost unconsciously. The chipslot's been empty for more than a year now. She's never quite gotten used to the empty feeling in the space in her mind where Delta had used to be. ]

I was wrong to let 'em.

[ Carolina watches York's hand go to her neck. Wonders if she'll still be doing that herself, a year.

York always did have some kind of special relationship with Delta. Not something she understand, really, even after she got hers. Eta and Iota weren't like that, and they were with her such a short time... She misses them, she doesn't miss them, she's not sure yet. It was a rough ride, but she could handle it, she was determined to handle it, and then she didn't get the chance. Still, she's pretty sure it's not the same kind of missing York's feeling.

Her next question's genuinely curious. ]

How so?

[ It's hard to ignore the curiosity in Carolina's voice. Hell, she focuses on it. It's easier to latch onto than thinking too hard about the hole Delta left in her consciousness. ]

I could've bailed before, you know. D figured it out last minute, what they were gonna do. There would've been time for us to get gone. But it would've only been us. There wasn't enough time to get anyone else out.

[ She stops, draws in a breath. She doesn't know how many times she's recounted the details of her timeline to others by now, but it feels different every time. She's grieved David and moved on, but Delta...that still stings. ]

It was D who made the call. I couldn't, y'know. Makin' that kinda choice, it's not -- anyways, he had a plan. He knew how I could do it, how I could get him out, I just had to...let 'em take D. Pretend like I didn't know it was happening, 'cause I couldn't attract any attention to myself.

[ She can't help a short laugh, more of a derisive huff than anything else. ]

Except I got yanked out of my universe not twelve hours later, before I could do anything. I didn't get to save anybody.

[ Carolina meets York's eyes for a few seconds, then looks away. She's quiet for a long moment.

She almost says, Neither did I. But if what Wash told her is true, she had it backwards the whole time.

She wouldn't have saved anybody anyway.

She almost says something about that, too, but when she tries, her brain just... stalls out. She can't even begin to pull apart the layers of confusion and regret, never mind find words for them. Words she could say to somebody who's a stranger and not at the same time?

Forget it.

She has to wonder, now, how much of her York's planning was Delta's. One more unanswerable question, as though she needed more.

At this point, it seems like that's all she's going to get. ]

Seems to happen at the worst possible times.

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neverknocks - 2013-08-19 00:56 (UTC) - Expand

my turn to apologize for going ghost

ifyoudontletithityou - 2013-09-04 23:14 (UTC) - Expand

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pbbbhth sorry this is so late my life has been on fire

no worries!

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my turn to apologize for going ghost