04 | video

[tradecraftdude]

There's a market for everything, right? I'm sure someone out there has just been waiting for this opportunity, and as your friendly neighborhood enterprising youth, I'm more than happy to provide! Ta-daaah!

[ the camera's showing a row of half a dozen jars, each containing some number of mameshiba, neatly sorted into species/breed/color/whatever. don't ask how long it took marco to herd them into the appropriate container, but he even remembered to poke holes in the lid, in case they needed air. they have noses, after all. of course, the holes are also letting out the wailing protests of the little bean-things, as well as occasional snippets of trivia from the ones more determined to exercise their natural urges. ]

Sooooo, make me an offer. Do you need inspiration for this week's trivia contest? Scientific curiosity? Starting your own talking bean-farm? Indulging in a new cuisine? I don't even care! Just let me know what you're interested in, and I'm sure we can make a deal.

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action;

[doyouknow]

[ Meanwhile, the captive mameshiba aren't exactly staying quiet. A few particularly industrious green peas in their jar are forming a wobbly totem pole, trying to get to the jar lid, all letting out warbling little vocalizations the whole time. ]

Do you know? Do you know? Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before a voyage!

action; still broadcasting video

[tradecraftdude]

Hey! Quit it! [ He gives the jar a little shake, hoping to knock over the growing stack. ] You're only saying that 'cause you're beans, right?

[doyouknow]

[ They all let out pitiful little wails, like kicked puppies, as they tumble to the bottom of the jar in a quivering pile. They let out a little chorus of cries, all warbling over each other at Marco. ]

No! No! Flatulence ruins space suits!

[tradecraftdude]

What? No, shut up! [ He's kind of disturbed that they're actually responding to what he said; he's been trying to convince himself that they're not actually intelligent, but this is ruining it. He flips the jar upside-down, hoping that putting the airholes at the bottom will muffle their sounds a little. ] Shhhh. Shh.

[doyouknow]

[ and engaging them is definitely not quieting them down any. They all chime in and chirrup at Marco, talking over one another in a deafening cacophony of tiny shrill voices ]

Do you know? Do you know? Do you know?

[tradecraftdude]

YES. YES, I KNOW.

[ Growing increasingly desperate, Marco removes one of his socks. He then rights the jar again, shaking it to discourage more stacking, and unscrews the lid. Hastily, he starts shoving his dirty sock into the jar, hoping that it'll muffle them enough so he doesn't have to listen to the horror anymore. ]

[doyouknow]

[ Undaunted, the green peas seem to get smarter -- instead of wobbily stacking themselves, they're rolling over one another to try and climb around and over the dirty sock. They do not seem affected by its smelliness. ]

Do you know? Alcohol will make a scorpion sting itself to death!

[tradecraftdude]

Yep, sure did! Will alcohol make you shut up?

[ He's starting to panic now as he realizes they're pushing through the sock, so he engages in a sort of whack-a-mole, pressing each one back under the sock as he scrambles for clearance to put the lid back on. ]

[doyouknow]

[ The mameshiba start to panic, too -- maybe from the mention of alcohol, maybe from the terrifying weight of Marco's fingers, but they start chittering nervously and scattering, bouncing frantically off the walls of the glass. ]

Do you know? Do you --

[ Marco hits the mark with one of them, and it lets out a shrill squeal as it bursts, crushed beneath his finger and buried somewhere in the dirty sock. The other mameshiba all start to panic even more, colliding with each other and the sock mindlessly. ]

[tradecraftdude]

Aaah!

[ Marco didn't expect that they'd be destroyed so easily, and when he feels that crisp popping under his finger, he drops the entire jar in surprise. ]

[doyouknow]

[ The jar shatters as it hits the ground, and a bunch of tiny green peas spill out, bouncing everywhere -- definitely more than there had been before. They seem to be wriggling out from the folds of the gym sock, collecting together as one quivering, rolling mass, heading for Marco. ]

Do you know? When a sea cucumber is threatened, it vomits up its internal organs!

[tradecraftdude]

Aaaaaah! AAAH!!

[ Marco's just going to relinquish that sock to the peas now, hopping around the kitchen on one foot so he doesn't step on the broken glass with his bare foot. He throws his shoe at the growing pile. ]

I'm going to vomit my internal organs!