[TEXT] | Popping intro cherry, scary 8T

[hellodeadpeople]

Dear Pandimensional Assholes,

Hello and welcome to Jack’s Guide to Not Getting Yourself Shot And Dissolved In An Acid Bath And/Or Sold Off Into Deep Terminus Space As A Slave!

A lot of you aren’t from here, and normally I would say sucks to be you, but apparently half the fucking docking zone thinks I look like a tour guide, so before I punch the skull in of the next person who asks me if I know this place, here it is.

You’re on Omega. It’s a giant floating eezo rock with a sad excuse for a space station soldered onto it’s ass - home to mercenaries, terrorists, black market vendors, people who kick puppies and aliens with really bad B.O.. It’s pretty much the last shithole you wanted to be stuck in the Milky Way galaxy. Good job landing yourselves here, you sad saps.

Shit You Should Know:

1. Don’t fuck with Aria.

2. Over half the people here would not hesitate to mug and/or kill you. Don’t wander into dark corners unarmed, and if you do, you’re a dumbass and probably deserve what you get.

3. Don’t fuck with Aria unless you want to be curbstomped by a Krogan (see those toad looking fuckers built like brick walls? Those are Krogan.)

4. The glowy shit on your arm is an omni-tool. It does pretty much everything.

5. Don’t fuck with Aria unless you want to get shot and dissolved in an acid bath and/or spaced.

6. If someone starts glowing blue at you? Run. Or pray.

7. Don’t fuck with Aria unless you’re Commander Shepard.

8. If something says ‘dextro-protein’ on it, don’t put it in your mouth. If you don’t know what it is, don’t put it in your mouth. If someone offers you Red Sand, don’t put it in your mouth.

ADDENDUM: Don't snort Red Sand either. Just don't stick anything foreign in your nose at all. You don't know where that shit's been.

9. Vorcha are creepy shits.

10. You can buy fish in the market.

That’s it. Don’t ask questions - I will insult you and refuse to answer.

Mild To Extreme Distaste,
Jack